“Oprah Winfrey just announced that she’s planning to attend Barack Obama’s inauguration. Oprah says she’s very excited to see Obama become the second-most powerful person in the world.” –Conan O’Brien

“Last night, after Barack Obama was declared the winner, President Bush called Obama, promised to work with him to guarantee a smooth transition. Yeah. Yeah, when we heard this, Obama said, ‘Thanks, but you’ve done enough.’” –Conan O’Brien

“Oprah Winfrey says she plans to attend Barack Obama’s election night rally in Chicago. So win or lose, Obama is going home with a new car.” –Conan O’Brien

“Barack and Michelle Obama are looking for a church in Washington to attend. Apparently, the Obamas ask every prospective pastor the same question: ‘Have you ever been videotaped screaming ‘God damn America!’?” –Conan O’Brien

“Oprah Winfrey just announced that she’s planning to attend Barack Obama’s inauguration. Oprah says she’s very excited to see Obama become the second-most powerful person in the world.” –Conan O’Brien

“Last night, after Barack Obama was declared the winner, President Bush called Obama, promised to work with him to guarantee a smooth transition. Yeah. Yeah, when we heard this, Obama said, ‘Thanks, but you’ve done enough.’” –Conan O’Brien

“Oprah Winfrey says she plans to attend Barack Obama’s election night rally in Chicago. So win or lose, Obama is going home with a new car.” –Conan O’Brien

“Barack and Michelle Obama are looking for a church in Washington to attend. Apparently, the Obamas ask every prospective pastor the same question: ‘Have you ever been videotaped screaming ‘God damn America!’?” –Conan O’Brien